Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
