And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
