This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
