....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
