just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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