Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
this hospital has no fireball
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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