You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
