it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
