either way he was missing a nipple.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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