Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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