His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
