He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
