my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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