this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Randomize
