drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize