i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
