You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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