suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
