just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
