recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Will exercising make me less horny?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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