I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
