Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How's work?
Spinning.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
