someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
