i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
