so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
