Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
