I can text with my tongue
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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