i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Its about making memories worth repressing
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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