i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
