the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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