somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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