I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
