what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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