I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
