Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
