Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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