yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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