i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just had sex on a roof
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
