there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
