the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
