ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
