Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
