apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
