it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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