my phone needs a breathalizer
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
