Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
