i don't plan on having that self control this summer
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
