Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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