I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
