Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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