bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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