Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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