Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
