I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
