she was so not down for the gang bang
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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