I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You took a bar mat shot.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
