i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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