I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
