whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
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