Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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