Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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