Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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