my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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