I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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