Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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