I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
