All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
