FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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