He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
