Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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