I'm going to jail i love you
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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