It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
