so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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