new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
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of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
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why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.