Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."