Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

So drunk, too bad you don't want this

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(352): View more from Florida

I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.

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(661): View more from California

I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(785): View more from Kansas

She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?

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(713): View more from Texas

Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here

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(614): View more from Ohio

It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other

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