when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
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I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
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When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.