I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
