Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast