At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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