that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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