I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
