So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
