yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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