Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
