I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
