I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
